Darkness in me
by imitation L
Summary: A REALLY SAD fic by moi. duh well all my fics r sorta sad huh? wel bout sakura n stuff. very sad, a little swearing. but it's still pg13


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Title: Darkness is inside me

Author: Darkness of Death

Notes: A very short romantic fic. S+S yes. S+S. Everyone's favorite couple. Another song-fic. The song is called 'unhappy anniversary' A very sad song by Vitamin C. So, if you haven't heard any of her songs. I suggest you go and buy her CD right now. Because, I love her songs. It's so real and true and gentle yet hard. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the song or CCS.

P.S. Sakura's P.O.V.

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It has been two years three month and twenty-five days since the accident. That day has destroyed my life. My whole happy life. I lost my love my true love that has been there for me. No matter how much I try. I know I won't get my love back. No matter what. 

*~ Flash back two years three month and twenty-five days *~

"No Syaoran!" I screamed with all my might but I know there was no use. The sky darkened as huge raindrops fell. My one and only love Syaoran Li saved my life he risked his. It wasn't fair not at all. 

The ambulance quickly arrived. They carried Syaoran into the big van. 

"Can I come?" I asked hoping I could, not to do any help but just to help my Syaoran in some way.

"Uh, are you a family?" The guy asked me.

"No, but I am the only one that's even close to a family." I screamed.

"Sorry, little lady. No can't do." He carried him into the ambulance and disappeared. That's the last of my Syaoran. But, around a month later. I was at the hospital seeing him for the last time.

"Hi, Syaoran." I smiled once I laid my eyes on him. He was lying there peacefully. He didn't look dead. But, just sleeping really peacefully. 

"Syaoran, I never got to say this. But, I love you. I love you more than anyone else. I know I am a little young to say that. But, it's the truth. So believe me." I leaned closer and kissed him. It will be my last kiss with my first true love. 

~* Flash back ends *~

I felt another tear dropping into my hands. I cried everyday day after day. I feel better sometimes. But, no matter what I know I can't forget my love. How could heaven take my love away from me? My life ended as his did. I found myself drinking. Yes drinking and getting drunk. Even though this is not the Sakura thing to do. But, how could I control myself. Right after his funeral. I realized that life and the world isn't perfect. Not even close. But, still I want to believe sometimes that Syaoran would come back no matter what.

I cut classes, I yell at Tomoyo. I know it's not her fault. Nothing is her fault, it's mine it's always mine. But even though I treated her very badly, she is still there for me all the time. And the rest of my friends. They think I need to chill that's all. And I don't blame them for saying that. I do need to chill.

__

You ask me, how am I?

Well I am still standing aren't I?

That's something-that's one thing that's gone my way

It's so hard to go on like everything's okay now

When inside I still cry for yesterday

Yesterday, it's gone. Tomorrow hasn't come. I dread every second of my life, I do. I feel like killing myself. I really do, I know if I did, all my friends and family will miss me very much. But, I want to join Syaoran in heaven. Or would I go to hell for drinking so much?

Today is Saturday? Or is it Friday? I am not sure what day of the week it is. I've been cutting school, my career on getting a good job is to an end. Tomoyo encouraged me to keep on going, even though she misses Syaoran a lot too. But she thinks I should forget the past and keep on going into the future. She said that with a bright smile.

HA!

HA, really who's gonna believe that! She is, that's because her family is perfect! She is perfect. Eriol will never die. Since he already did once! What's my point still living? My only one true love is dead. I say that with no feeling, I can't cry anymore. I cried my eyes out. My eyes are dry. Tomoyo will never understand how I feel that's because she isn't as close to Syaoran as I am. Maybe I should take her advice and do go to school for once. Okay great, I am going to call her back and say sorry.

I memorized Tomoyo's number because I use to call her so much. 

~*Ring*~ ~*Ring*~

"Hello?" Tomoyo said.

"Hey it's me." I said dreadfully.

"Oh hi Sakura!" I smiled, her cheerfulness always brings a smile to my face.

"Uh, tell me which day of the week is it?" I asked hopefully.

"It's Sunday. And Sakura we have school tomorrow!" She exclaimed.

"I know and for real this time I am going!" I hope that will make her less mad. I am not really sure if she IS mad.

"Fantastic Sakura! Finally!" She laughed. "Well you better get ready soon!"

"Homework?" I asked.

"Sakura, you've haven't gone to school for like a week! So much homework you have missed. But, don't worry the teachers will understand." Tomoyo said.

"Thanks Tomoyo! You're the best!" I smiled. I am going to have a good life even though I dread it sometimes.

"No problem Sakura!" Tomoyo giggled.

"Well, I got to go! See ya tomorrow at school!" I smiled.

__

This is my unhappy anniversary

I know it's so stupid to still feel broken-hearted…..

I wonder if you know just how much I hurt

I drink up and think up a toast to numb the hours

To get through without you is so hard today

I didn't sleep in, I woke up just in time. Got my books ready and my uniform. I looked much more fresh! I didn't look like the angel of death or nothing, I look like my old self. The happy cheerful cherry blossom. And I am off!

I skipped all the way to school. For some reason, I didn't think about anything sad the whole way there. But, when I arrived….

I opened the door to the school and I felt like everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me. Their looks look like hell to me. It's dark and scary, by now Syaoran would be by me comforting me. But, if Syaoran is here they wouldn't be staring at me. But, as I started walking towards the office, they went back doing whatever they're doing. How can they be so cruel? They know how much I love Syaoran. And they have to do the best of it and remind me! Great fantastic!

I reached the office and saw Tomoyo. She wasn't smiling, her head was bleeding, full of blood. She was sent to the hospital quickly. What happened? Did Tomoyo get hurt? Well, I can see that, but what happened? I quickly approached the secretary and asked.

"What happened to Tomoyo?" I asked.

"Oh Sakura, nice to see you joining us again. Don't worry about the homework or nothing. The principal knows how hard it is for you after Syaoran died. So, all you have to do is fill these forms and you're off the hook." The secretary smiled brightly as she handed me over two hundred pages of forms.

"But Tomoyo!" I cried out.

"Oh yes, Miss Daidouji? She's fine!" 

"No she isn't. She's bleeding like hell!" I cried.

"Oh it's just a little cut!" She smiled.

I am really mad, and it's unusual for me to act on my emotions. But I've had enough! I grabbed her by her shirt collar and whispered with my cold icy breath.

"What the hell happened to Tomoyo? I want to know now!" I whispered.

"Miss Kinomoto! Put me down!" She cried.

"I will as long as you give me the information I need." I said.

"Okay okay!" I let go of her.

"Well, I don't know but someone smashed her against the wall and asked for money. Of course Miss Daidouji didn't give it to him/her. She didn't have any. So he/she smashed her into the wall and used his fist and smashed into her face. Instead of hitting her face he missed and hit her head. It was awful!" 

"WHAT?" I screamed.

__

Cause it's……….

My unhappy anniversary

But I lie saying it's just another day

This is my unhappy anniversary

Wishing you were here same time next year…

I was devastated. I don't care anymore! I am never ever looking into the bright side again! I quickly ran for the school door. I am catching the bus to the hospital. I don't care if I cut school, Tomoyo put in so much for me. And I didn't for her, it's not fair! And no matter what I will save her.

I did arrive at the hospital shortly after. It wasn't very crowded, that's good. I went straight up to the information desk and asked.

"Hello, um I am looking for Tomoyo Daidouji, she had a very bad accident just now. Can I see her?" I asked hopefully.

"I am sorry, I saw a girl your age arriving in a stretcher. But she haven't signed in and she is in the emergency room. So maybe an hour later you can see her okay?" She answered.

"Thank you." I sat down on one of the benches and waited.

Hours and hours past. Still no sign of Tomoyo. Even though I asked the stupid info lady like five hundred times. She still said she's in the emergency room. How scary is that? No matter what I will wait for Tomoyo. I sat around waiting, it was like hell except it's the hospital. Soon, the info lady did call on me and said I could go and see Tomoyo. It was 5 P.M. 

"-It's on floor let's see 5. In room 9. You could only see her for 30 minutes. She is very weak." 

I thanked her and headed for floor 5 and room 9. When I approached my destination. I saw a very pale Tomoyo lying on the bed. Her lips are pale purple. Her skin is pale very pale. Her hair is full of dried blood. I didn't want to disturb her sleep so I sat there staring at her. How could this have happened?

"Hi Sakura. *Cough*"

"Don't speak! It will only make you weaker! Don't worry, you'll be fine."

"Sakura, I won't be. My days are numbered, I have lost lots of blood. So, instead of even trying to fight. I might as well as die." She sighed weakly and smiled.

"NO! You can't. You always told me to look on the bright side how bout you Tomoyo? Dying is scary! I already lost someone I love very much. And I don't want to lose another. How am I suppose to heal?" 

"Sakura, Sakura, Sakura. Simple Sakura. You don't understand, if I die it might be better. The stress is getting to me. And for me living, lots of other people will lose blood."

__

Now it's near midnight-a few more minutes and

I return back to my former life

Pretending our ending was not so bad I know that

It's time to escape you…Until next year

When it's…..

"So Tomoyo? You have done so much that mattered to me and everyone else in the world. That they would line up to give you blood! Don't you see Tomoyo? You have donated blood before so I think you should receive some back."

"Maybe you're right Sakura. Maybe I should……" There was a short pause. She coughed again. I tried to do something helpful for her to feel better. But, I didn't know what.

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah I am fine thanks."

The heart beater thing stopped. The line was straight. Tomoyo past away. So fast. Just like that, she past away. I dropped a tear onto myself. I lost another loved one in my life. Who's going to be next? Yukito? Touya? Or dad? I don't want to lose anymore of my loved ones. Why does it always have to be me? 

The doctors rushed in. I have no idea what they're doing. But I left whispering good bye. All my friends and family seems to disappear so quickly into space. ME, being the least helpful one lived. Even though I helped catching all the Clow cards. That doesn't make me that special! Suddenly a blast of dark light and light shined through me. I realized what it was. It was the dark and light card! One side of me was shining bright, the other one looked dead and hopeless. 

I thought this would be the end of my life too. Joining my friends, but leaving my family. But I get to see mom! That would be great. But, nothing happened. I remained. Where I am, standing there hoping some kind of miracle would happen. 

__

When it's…..

My unhappy anniversary

But I lie saying it's just another day

This is my unhappy anniversary

But I smile just like it's another day….

No miracle happened. Nothing happened. My shoes trailed mud through the hospital. I glanced back at my muddy path. Thinking why didn't the lord take me instead? Instead of my friends…….

It wasn't fair. But then I felt a loud thump. I landed back in my bed. In my pajamas. I heard my phone ringing. I did nothing else but picked it up.

"Hey Sakura! It's me Tomoyo!" It was impossible. Am I in heaven too?

"Hi Tomoyo." I said weakly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Let's go to the mall just like any other day!" She exclaimed. It was true we did do that before Syaoran died….

"Great!" I sighed.

"Oh we can bring Sayoran too!" 

"What?" 

"You don't want Sayoran to come?"

"I do." Are we really in heaven? Are we? Syaoran is here too!

"Are we in heaven?" I asked blankly.

"Oh silly no! Are you having one of your nightmares again?"

"I guess so." I looked at my hand, there was blood, dried blood from Tomoyo. It wasn't a nightmare. I lived through all those experiences. But I got another chance…… 

__

It's just my unhappy anniversary

It's just my unhappy anniversary

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DONE! What do you think? I think it's okay. I guess. Well I am really depressing aren't I? Oh well, review if u feel like it. I would appreciate it though! Thanks

E-mail and stuff to [darkness_of_death@hotmail.com][1]** thanks!**

   [1]: mailto:darkness_of_death@hotmail.com



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